Has English gone to hell in a handbag?

Well, gosh, that’s a really big question. And I do have an answer – did you doubt that for a minute? – but it’s likely not the one you’re expecting from a rapidly aging crank like me. In fact it’s probably going to honk some of you off. Question: Has English gone to hell in a handbag? Answer: Yes. And no.

Here’s the deal. I got to thinking about this in a recent business meeting when a guy was tossing off biz school jargon – verticals, monetize, iterize – you know the drill. I was doing okay until he got to this statement: “The staffing levels will become more manageable as FTEs (meaning human beings on staff) attrit off the payroll.” I didn’t exactly fall out of my chair, but I did decide right then and there to hold forth on the death of English in a Marketini post. Attrit! Egads!

But wait! Here’s an unpleasant surprise: Attrit is a real word – look it up – and my verbal antagonist used it more-or-less correctly! According to at least three dictionaries, attrit is a present tense, transitive verb “back formed,” as dictionary types put it, a couple of decades ago from the perfectly respectable word attrition. Who knew?

So, what does this say about our mother tongue? One: things change. Two: I’m not in control of this, and neither are you. English has been changing since before it was called English, so who am I to insist that the way I learned it is the only way it can be? Do I have to like this? Hell, no! Do you? Certainly not. But, is that going to stop the process? Nope. Are we humans still communicating with each other? Yeah, about as well as we ever have. Certainly no worse.

I still go nuts when people use “lay” when they should use “lie.” Likewise when they say “between you and I” rather than “between you and me.” My inner eyes continue to roll when MBA types abuse perfectly good words like robust and leverage and that long-suffering saint, solution. (I mean, what the heck isn’t a solution these days?) That said, I am going to have to get over it and move on.

So, is English going down the tubes? Yes. And no. Depends on your point of view. And I’ve decided to point and view from the “relax and enjoy it” side of the street.

And what does this have to do with marketing?

As always, I am so glad you asked. In marketing, as in the rest of life, one has to move with the flow and do what works. Like lots of people, I’m unhappy that publishing on paper is fast going away. I grew up reading my dad’s New Yorker magazines and all the great print ads therein. I had a seven-day-a-week New York Times habit for years. I just love the printed page as an information and advertising medium. But, it’s rapidly heading toward the landfill of history. So, I’m migrating – and I mean migrating fast – to newer media. Marketini, the blog you’re reading right now, for example.

And, lest we forget, the content is just as important as the medium. Any Nashvegans out there who remember Dan Walters braying his head off for Rivergate Toyota during the 10:00 p.m. news? And how about that jackass who hollers about Carnival Kia these days? Who wouldn’t love to off one of those guys just to make the world a better place? Well, those obnoxious ads sell a lot of cars, and they will continue to do so.

It’s fine – and sometimes fun – to complain about the decline of civilization  as represented by a ludicrous TV ad, or a semi-literate utterance from an MBA. I do it all the time. But at the end of the day, I have to do what works – both for my marketing clients and myself.  If that means using biz-speak so everyone in the room understands me, so be it. If my client has a bunch of yahoos for customers – well, I get to talk to yahoos. And I’d better do a good job of it. Furthermore, I’ll likely be using a medium that no one had even dreamed of when I was reading the New Yorker 50 years ago. (Cripes! What happened to the time?) The only good marketing is marketing that works. So, like, um, get used to it.

How about a cocktail?

Man! I thought we’d never get to this part! Just thinking about all that decline and fall can make a prima donna like me desperate for some pain relief! And that’s just what we have on tap this time – fast-acting pain relief. Applied liberally, it’s a coma in a glass. I’m talking about my good friend Bob Vero’s favorite cocktail, the Rusty Nail.

This old-time delight is one of the relatively few cocktails, classic or otherwise, based on scotch. Generally, the smoky, sometimes dark, flavors of scotch don’t play well with others. Which is what makes the Rusty Nail such a delightful surprise. A Rusty Nail contains only two ingredients: scotch and Drambuie, a liqueur based on – what? – scotch. Cool huh? And – pow! – this combo really packs a wallop. The wallop has as much to do with the flavor as it does the alcohol. Intense, pungent, surprisingly complicated … delicious! They are seasonally appropriate right now, too. Great for cold weather, but very nice to sip as we slip into spring.

So mix up a Rusty Nail or three, make sure everyone has a ride home and enjoy. When the hazzahs pour in, be sure to thank Marketini and Bob Vero.

Rusty Nail

• Two parts scotch – brand of your choice.
• One part Drambuie
• Put a few cubes in an “on the rocks” glass. (That’s a short, wide glass, although if all you have is a Flintstones jelly jar, go right ahead and use it.)
• Pour in the scotch and then the Drambuie. Don’t stir. That will happen soon enough.

Sip. Savor.

Easy!